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Combining NVC and Mindfulness Practices
by Lynd Morris
Many of us tiptoe (or jump) into trying Nonviolent Communication (NVC) because we've had one too many arguments with a family member, friend, or co-worker. There is strain in our relationship(s) and we want help managing our anger/sadness, or that of someone else. Or maybe we just want to feel confident that what we have to say is heard by others. We've already tried every other communication strategy we've read or heard about and we still aren't satisfied.
Does this describe you?
So, we read one of Marshall Rosenberg's books, go to an introductory NVC workshop or practice group and, not only do we learn some new ways to talk and listen to others, we also discover that we are able to connect to our own truth more easily, with surprising results. Slowly, we begin to know and and feel compassion for ourselves, as well as those with whom we've been disconnected.
Many of us are drawn to mindfulness practice because we suspect there must be more to life, we long for a deeper connection to all beings and to the energy and vitality of life itself.
Eventually, we step through one of the many doors into mindfulness practice, guided by teachers, books, and retreat centers that are all journeying to the same place: the present moment. "I have arrived, I am home," begins one of the poems of Zen teacher Thich Nhat Hanh. "In the here, and in the now."
To be fully present to what is happening in the present moment and to respond with honesty and compassion to what life delivers to us are the fruits of both NVC and mindfulness practices.
This sounds ideal...but how does a grounded connection with all of life and an embodied awareness of the beauty of everyone's needs (including my own) manifest while I'm sitting in a long and contentious meeting, telling a friend why I am choosing not to get together tonight, or listening to my children express despair?
Mindfulness practice offers concrete ways to stop our habitual reactions, settle down, and connect with spaciousness and ease to the life within ourselves, before we speak or act. NVC practice provides specific strategies for touching that vitality and energy within and manifesting it in our speech and actions.
Each practice complements the other.
My own practice of combining NVC and mindfulness has led me increasingly into direct experience of states of being and relationship that I studied and yearned for during the decades of my spiritual seeking.
Do I still react? Of course. Do I still feel pain, frustration, sadness, fear? Sure.
But, by practicing both NVC and mindfulness with greater and greater awareness in nearly every moment, I am able to connect to my own truth and welcome the truth of others...leading me quickly into a real and direct experience of the flow of all life, regardless of the situation.
So, if I am not engaged during a meeting, it is effortless for me to use my self-empathy skills to see what is alive in me. I become aware of an array of choices. Shall I offer empathy to others to see what needs are on the table at this meeting? Shall I express what my needs are at this moment? Shall I excuse myself temporarily and take a short walk to reconnect with what needs I was trying to meet by coming to this meeting? As I connect with my own needs and those of the other attendees, I connect with the precious life energy that animates all of us. I am in awe and experience gratitude, meaning, presence, and freedom.
If you would like to learn more about combining NVC and mindfulness practices, consider joining me at the "Be Free Where You Are" workshop on November 3. Attendance at an NVC intro is requested for participation in this workshop (no prior mindfulness experience is needed). You also may contact me by email.
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